About me

Who are you

Hello, I'm Bloonface. I once wrote a middlingly successful Medium post and I talk shit on Twitter Mastodon BlueSky like some sort of diarrhoea engine.

Why did you pick that dumb name for yourself

It seemed like a clever idea at the time. The actual reasons why are very boring and involve me trying to come up with a new Twitter account name and somehow, typically, coming up with a really bad one based on whatever was in front of me at some point or other. It’s not even the worst username I’ve had, honestly.

In general, I do not like using my real name on the Internet - not because I delight in doing awful things on it, but because having my "real life" identity connected to the bollocks I talk on the Internet isn't something I want. You can read a little more here.

Why is your blog called "Cafe Lob-on"

Because I put “Bloonface” into an anagram generator and “cafe lob on” came out, and it made me think of someone with an unwanted erection in Starbucks, and because I have a mental age of about six this seemed funny. I will no doubt regret this, as I do most things I do online at one time or another.

Why do you use a picture of Catweazle everywhere

It's a visual pun on how I actually look, a joke which never lands and will never land because nobody knows what I actually look like. This is one of many aspects of my squalid Internet presence I didn't think through properly.

Legal disclaimer: the Catweazle character is not actually mine and is owned by ITV plc née LWT. I'll stop using it if they promise to broadcast a full apology for the numerous crimes of Carlton Television in prime time.

Why do you swear so much

Because swear words make nice accentuates for sentences. A good "fucking" adds to the rhythm of a sentence and emphasises what comes after.

What are you actually interested in (or not actively hateful towards)

In short: politics; travelling to various places; writing shit on the Internet; old ephemera from TV etc; 80s synth music; stupid little world building games like Minecraft and Animal Crossing; Bloodborne; the Yakuza series; learning Japanese.

How can I get in touch with you

Look here!

About what I think

If you have any kind of core political belief, what is it

There's no way I can really write this without being massively self-indulgent, but fuck it.

In short; there needs to be a rebalancing of the state towards the socialist concept of a safeguard and assistant to the people it governs that an economy then provides for and is supported by in return, and away from the recent concept of the state being a safeguard for a market for which people are merely an input resource. If the state isn't actually helping people in their lives, or indeed is actively hindering them, then it's failing in its main purpose. At the same time I think small-state or no-state ideologies, including both libertarianism/anarcho-capitalism on the right and communism and anarchism on the left, are unworkable utopian nonsense, with the former having an added idiocy of being utterly and deliberately oblivious to actual problems people face.

I also think the equality of opportunity vs. equality of outcome dichotomy is false; one generation's outcomes are the root of the next's opportunities. Abundant opportunities are worth jack shit if you can't use them because your parents were in the mire, and hard work can only take you so far.

Broadly speaking, I'm somewhere between a democratic socialist and a social democrat. I honestly don't fucking know.

How do you vote

Generally on the losing side of everything. I was a member of the Labour Party until December 2019, voted for Corbyn in 2015 (the one time I actually voted for the winning side), wasn't eligible to vote in the 2016 or 2020 Labour leadership elections and voted remain. In general elections, I voted Labour in 2015, 2017 and 2019.

Essentially, none of this was my fault.

For the next general election, whenever that will be, I don't plan to vote.

What do you think of Corbyn

It was quite funny re-reading what I had on this page, written in 2018, before I re-uploaded it. It said I was "cautiously pro-Corbyn".

Basically, I still agree with pretty much all of his espoused domestic political beliefs (which are a great deal more moderate than both a lot of his more vocal supporters and his detractors claim) and a good deal of his foreign policy, but he had his chance and it didn't work out, for a variety of reasons, many of which were nothing to do with him but a lot of which were. His behaviour since leaving the leadership has been a mixture of innocuous, infuriating and annoying, which makes bothering to defend him feel like a waste of time.

That said, he was obviously the better choice in 2019 for anyone who doesn't have a knee where their brain stem should be, and given that the only other plausible option available was a shambling adulterous shit and a pathological liar. The fact that some people still argue about this point baffles me.

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