$ Bloonface.com | About the Mastodon/Fediverse/BlueSky Swear Clock

About the Mastodon and BlueSky Swear Clock

Swear Clock logo

The Mastodon Swear Clock is a bot fashioned after Rob Manuel's Swear Clock on Twitter for users of Mastodon, Misskey, Calckey and any other ActivityPub users. The bot now also has a presence on BlueSky.

How does it work?

On the hour, it reads the next available line in a long text file full of utter filth, and pushes it out. If there isn't another line, it picks a random line and pushes that out instead.

Half past the hour, it generates a random output based on a word list and various different templates.

On Mastodon, if you mention the bot, it will also reply to you with the current time and a randomly-generated piece of evil.

Can I submit stuff to the bot?

Yes! Go to https://tinyurl.com/mastoswear and there's a Google form you can chuck stuff into.

What actually appears on the account is entirely at my discretion. Please don't bother submitting anything with slurs of any kind because I'm not posting them. If you want to submit abuse about me, then I might post it if it's funny, but "hur hur your a cunt" will just get ignored.

Why did you make this?

Mainly because I missed the bot when moving to Mastodon, partly as an excuse to learn Python.

Does this use submissions from Rob Manuel's clock?

No. Well, mostly not. Some of the lines it pushes out are ones I submitted to his clock, and that I put into this one to give it something to start with. If you see a line on both his bot and mine, either I wrote it or someone nicked it from this one to put it into his, or vice versa.

Isn't this just a relay from Rob's clock from Twitter?

No. This doesn't repost from Twitter. The bots' output is wildly different.

Did you know that this was Rob Manuel's idea, and you are the world's worst arsehole?

No, I didn't know it was Rob Manuel's idea. That's why I specifically acknowledge that it was on the bot's about section, to anyone who asks and indeed above on this very page.

For the record, I have specifically reached out to Rob multiple times, and I have repeatedly made offers to turn the account, its follow list and the bot code over to Rob if he asks, no questions asked. He's not said anything and I don't feel like bothering him much more over it, not least because I don't think he really gives that much of a shit about this bot or Mastodon in general.

This bot is terrible and offensive and I hate it and I hate you and you should ban this sick filth!

I do, occasionally, get both complaints about the bot and reports from users on other servers about it or its posts, objecting to the bot, its existence or its content.

My position here is quite simple:

These are all probably good signs that whatever you happen to find on the account will not exactly be anodyne.

If you ignore all these flashing neon signs, then click through the content warning, at that point I consider it fundamentally your fault if you dislike that you were confronted with a description of a breakfast cereal mascot performing a sex act on a Founding Father of the United States.

Suffice to say, I won't be taking down the bot because you are offended by it. You may, at your option, use your own content filtering options (including account blocks or filters) to completely ignore the bot forever.

I run an instance and I'm not very happy about your bot

Fair enough. I feel like the above mentioned tells and content warnings are enough to protect users from seeing content they're not happy with (bar the profile picture, which I'm not really able to do much about). However, I am perfectly fine with instances blocking the bot account at a server level if they feel it appropriate to do so.

If you have any concerns, please feel free to DM me or mention me at @bloonface@mastodon.social or mention me on BlueSky at @bloonface.com to discuss (don't mention the bot or tag it in as it'll just reply to you with something obscene - and if you only @tag in the bot, I will never see it); but for the avoidance of doubt, as above, I will not be taking down the bot just because you, your users or anyone else finds it offensive.

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